


Anger and Other Useless Emotions

by cptsuke



Series: Out of the Shadows [2]
Category: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2014), Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out of the Shadows (2016)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-27
Updated: 2016-06-27
Packaged: 2018-07-18 14:26:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 814
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7318849
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cptsuke/pseuds/cptsuke
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>His father had been right when he'd said Leo had failed as a leader –  and worse –  he'd failed as a brother.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Anger and Other Useless Emotions

**Author's Note:**

> this goddamned movie won't leave me alone, so I'm still trying to crawl inside my faves head

Leo doesn't think he's ever been angrier.

 

The only emotion he's ever felt stronger was half hour ago when he'd smashed through Police Headquarters' _front window_ convinced he and Donny would be too late, terrified they'd be finding their brothers' bodies on the other side.

 

But now – they're alive, they're _fine_ _-_ _now_ all that's left is a need to blame and _rage_ because Mikey's _crying_ , and Donny's gone the bad kind of silent and Raph – how can he be so damned angry at Raph but still somehow angrier that someone put that hurt look of _'I don't know what else I expected_ '? Someone put all that self hate on his little brothers faces and Leo can't do a single useful thing about it.

 

Usually Leo hates his anger, hates the cold biting words he uses to fight and hurt when his mind clouds over red. Sometimes he thinks he's the worst of all of them. Acting like he's perfect, acting like he's above it all when it takes so little to drive him to his lowest.

 

But for the first time Leo doesn't try to push it away or bury it under a thin veneer of serenity because the minute his cold rage dies down he's going to have to acknowledge his own feelings about hate on the policemen's faces, the speed that they drew their weapons. No matter how much he'd thought he'd shored up his defenses, turns out he'd still held out some small hope that the world had a place for them.

 

To these people they're born wrong, their entire existence was an affront to the natural order. How could there possibly be anywhere for them that they didn't fight for and create themselves?

 

Sensei's reprimand hits harder than any physical blow could but he doesn't let the words sway him.

 

So Leo feeds his rage instead. Uses it to keep going, to move on to whatever they have to do next. He can still give orders; can still lead even in Mikey's hurt silence, with Donny's tentative and wary tone. Shell, it's practically natural to continue on and over Raph's seething rage. Nevermind that Leo doesn't think his hot headed brother has ever been this righteously angry.

 

 

Then Brazil happens. And it's a mess.

 

Half humiliating defeat and all wake up call.

 

They're all exhausted and hurt in more ways than purely physical and the plane ride home is long and just as hot. Spent in the pained silence of people who know each other too well, who know the other's faults so intimately that their words _hurt_ with each keenly aimed barb.

 

Maybe it was good. Good that they aired their grievances out instead of fermenting them in angry silence. Even if they probably all regretted the things they threw at each other, frustrated and tired of losing.

 

The silence in the lair is nothing compared to the way they've turned their shells away from each other. Leo finds himself flicking through pages of a book, reading without registering any words, better than sharpening the already razor edged swords or turning their words - and his own - over in his head.

 

_We may be a family, but we are not a team._

 

His father had been right when he'd said Leo had failed as a leader – and worse – he'd failed as a brother.

 

He'd tried so hard to not fail, to not crumble under the feeling of inadequacy, or the weight of sending his brothers into combat even when the risks were high and victory not assured, he hasn't let feelings get in the way for so long that he's forgotten that sometimes they should. Sometimes they really, really should.

 

He knows his brothers see him as cold. Someone who didn't get feelings, and that's his own fault. He hasn't done anything to make them believe anything else.

 

He's wronged his brothers. Like Sensei, he can't make this decision for them, he doesn't deserve to be the one whose word carries the most - or any - weight.

 

Seeking to hold his family together, he's just ripped them further apart. But it's something he can fix, his brothers are all too forgiving of Leo's faults, and for that he'll be eternally grateful. No matter how much he's screwed up, they still all pull together, because they _are_ a team. It's in their blood, in their every breath. Not one of them functions without the other three, not one of them _wants_ to.

 

So when the time comes, when Donny pushes the cannister of purple ooze at him, he places his future back in his brothers hands and wonders at the relief he feels, at the weight slipping from his shoulders. He trusts these three with his life and he can live with whatever decision they make.

 

He can do anything so long as it's what they want, so long as they're happy.

 


End file.
